THE LIVERBIRDS 4. THE TOON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2025-2026

 PPosted from 1:00pm bells 🔔 onwards Sunday 1st FeFebuary 2026 on the train 🚂 back! (Sorrry if there are any sppelin mistaykz but the train iz a bit wobblyy!

“32 YEARS AND COONTIN!” 😵‍💫

For the first 35 minutes NUFC were on top and had several chances to take the lead az we attacked The Kop End!

The closest we came woz when Harvey Barnes hit the post from a free kick from just ootside the box! 📦 

Then—in the 35th minute, finally a GOAL!

Anthony Gordon raced doon the right wing and cut in to hit a glorious shot across the goal and into the corner of the net with Allison in The Liverbirds goal well beaten, to send the 3,000 plus Toon fans into joyous raptures!

HOWEVER! that ‘joy’ woz short lived, when less than 5minutes later Ekitike levelled things with a toe poke into the net through a crowd of players!

Within the blink of an eye it woz 2-1 to them, when Ekitike cut in and sent a shot past The Pope in The Toon goal!

From 1-0 up to 2-1 doon in the space of 7 minutes!  HT 2-1 to them! 🥶

Halfway through the 2nd period it woz 3-1 to The Mickey Mousers when Salah set up Wirtz for an easy finish!

It woz aall ower in stoppage time when The Pope dropped a catch and Konate woz on hand to scramble the baall ower the line! 4-1 to them FT!

It’s now 32 years since we last won a Premyaa Leegue game here! 🙈

Attendance: 60,416 (3,058 Toon fans)

*Pub crawl pix to follow later! ⬇️

THE LIVERBIRDS V THE TOON *** TOONEET!

 Posted’high noon 🕛 bells 🔔’ Saturday 31st January 2026

We are off to the 2nd of 3 successive away games today, ➡️🚂 when we take on The Liverbirds at Anfeeeld in an ‘8:00 🔔s kick off! Then on Wedinzday we heed for east Mancland where we take on The Blue Moonies in the 2nd leg of the Leegue Cup semis!

Who naaz just wot team will line up at the start, but next month will be hectic (and very expensive!) az we have 4 away games in a row, includin the epic trip to Baku in Azzabijannn in The Champions Leegue play offs!

A match report on tooneet’s game will appear here sometime on Sunday!

Az per usual—-WATCH THIS SPACE!

QARABAG V THE TOON! *** PLAY OFF DRAW

Posted from ‘11:34am bells 🔔 onwards, Friday 30th January 2026

 

                                  ⬆️

NUFC have been drawn against Carrierbag FC, (Geordie translation) from Azzzabijann in The Champions Leegue play off roond!

More details later ⬇️

More details later ⬇️

More details later ⬇️

Dates conformed

Wedinzday 18th February in Baku ‘5:45 bells 🔔 kick off!

Tuezday 24th February at SJP ‘8:00 bells 🔔 kick off!

More details later ⬇️

This iz of course a NEW GROOND for ‘The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers’ and the furthest we have ever travelled for a competitive game in wor entire history!

A roond trip avoiding war zone Ukraine of 6,000 miles! (IF we get there!?🙏🏻)

More interesting details! ⬇️

367 revisited parc des princes, psg

 Ground number 367 revisited

Date of Visit: 28th January 2026

Parc Des Princes, Paris, France

Paris St Germain 1

Newcastle United 1 (Willock)

Champions League group stage game 8

Attendance: 47,672. (2,000 Toon)

“CORRUPTION OF THE HIGHEST ORDER!”

It took less than one minute for the forst corrupt decision, when PSG were awarded a penalty when Lewis Miley woz adjudged to have handled the baall inside the box!

HOWEVER! a PSG player had handled it before Miley, which should have meant —-a free kick to us!

AMAZINGLEEE! the ref went to the monitor and after a minute came back and pointed to the spot!!!???

Dembele took it, but ‘The Pope’ in The Toon goal guessed right and dived that way to save the penalty to the joy of the 2,000?Toon Travellers in the corner! JUSTICE!

UNFORTUNATELY! that joy woz short lived when PSG raced doon the pitch 4minutes later when Kavaratskellua ⬅️(hope av sppelt that reet?) crossed the baall to Vitenha on the edge of the box and he hit a low drive into the net to put the hosts 1-0 up!

PSG then went for the jugular az they carved wor midfield and defence apart and we thought that it could well be a ‘cricket score’ before the end of the forst half!

And then a bizarre incident az we attacked their goal! Anthony Elanga woz hacked don and instead of the ref bookin the PSG player, he booked Elanga instead ! Corruption of the highest order! 🥶

Waltemade attempted a heeder but it hit a defenders hand! Penalty for us az well?—nee chance!

BUT! The PSG ‘cricket score’ didn’t materialise and with the game gannin into stoppage time we grabbed an equaliser when The Pope punted a lang baall free kick upfield!

Dan Burn latched onto it and centered the baall to Joe Willock, who heeded in from close range to unexpectedly level the scores!

HT 1-1

Scores elsewhere in The Champions Leegue at the half time interval had NUFC in 8th place!—an automatic qualification to the knock oots stage!

We played much better in the second period and restricted PSV to much fewer chances and indeed we could have won the game in the final stages!

Joe Willock had the baall in the net, but it woz ruled offside—but it must have been very close?—or corrupt!

Anthony Gordon ran doon the wing and cut in—Yoane Wissa woz unmarked in the box but Gordon attempted to pass a defender and woz chopped doon! Penalty?-  nee chance this time az the corrupt official waved play on!

Then at the death and unmarked by the far post, Harvey Barnes somehow missed the target with the baall at hiz feet—and the final chance woz gone!

THE END GAME!—PLAYERS APPLAUD FANS AND VISE VERSA!

“MONACO OR CARRIERBAG!”

By full time we had dropped to 12th place and a place in the play offs!  

A lad in the seats behind us said: And I quote: “The Toon will play eethaa Monaco or Carrier Bag in the play offs!”(He meant Carabag from Azabijannn of course!😵‍💫)

THE TWO DAY PARIS PUB CRAWL TOOK PLACE HERE!⬇️ 

10 IN PARIS  2 IN LONDON⬇️

AND ST PANCRAS, LONDON ⬇️

PARIS TOURISTS TRAIL (BETWEEN BOOZERS! ⬇️

NOTRE DAME CATHEDRAL⬆️

THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME⬇️

BLACKPOOL TOWER⬆️

THE PARIS PYRAMID ⬆️

NOTRE DAME STATUE⬆️

PRE MATCH⬆️.  POST MATCH LOCKED IN GROOND⬇️

FROM USG TO PSV TO PSG!

 Posted from ‘high noon 🕛 🛎️ bells’ onwards on the LNER train(s) to London and Eurostar to Paris, Tuezday 27th January 2026

THE LAST TIME NUFC WERE HERE IN 2023. A 1-1 DRAW WITH A VERY DODGY LAST MINUTE PENALTY TO PSG!

The last of wor 8 Champions Leegue group stage games takes place tomorrow neet v PSG at The Parc des Princes in Paris!

A win would guarentee 7th placed NUFC a knockoot stage place (top 8)—-A draw MIGHT be enough, but unlikely, az 6 team below us are on the same number of points— and a defeat would definatly put us into a play place az a seeded team! (9th to 16th place)--- It would be highly unlikely that we could finish lower than 16th unless we lose heavily in Paris, to severely dent wor goal difference!

Seeded teams play teams 17th to 24th and will have home advantage in the 2nd leg!

Teams between 25th and 36th are eliminated! 

Its aall to play for in France!

I will attempt to dee a match and booze report on the train(s) on the way back on mee mobile 'telling bone'!

Az per usual---"Watch this space!"

THE TOON 0. THE VILLIANS 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2025-2026

 Posted just after ‘qwaataa past high noon 🕛 🛎️ bells’ Munday 26th January 2026

"OH NO! BRU-NO!"

This iz from the BBC Sports website!⬇️

“Newcastle, remarkably have never won a Premier League match without their Talisman Bruno Guimaraes in the starting line up since his debut nearly four years ago!”

Yet another ‘Mr Hyde’ performance in wor ‘Jekyll and Hyde’ season from NUFC, az we lost to a Villa side 'on fire' at the moment!

They haddint won at SJP for 21 years and 17 visits, but this stat woz ripped up and hoyed in the rubbish bin yesterday!

Plagued by injuries— the worst in the Premyaa Leegue this season and withoot Bruno who sustained an ankle injury in wor great win v PSV in The Champions Leegue last Wedinzday, we were 2nd best!

1st minute: Attakin the Gallowgate End in the forst half, we nearly took the lead within 30seconds when a Sandro Tonali shot woz scrambled away by Martinez in the visitors goal!

19th minute: Villa take the lead at the opposide end when Buendia cut in from the right to hit an unstoppable shot from ootside the box. past The Pope in The Toon goal! 1-0 to them!

43rd minute: A Lewis Miley heeder which looked destined to gan into the top corner of the net, woz somehow tipped away for a corner by Martinez!

1st half stoppage time: Yoane Wissa heeds goalwards, but again Martinez comes to the rescue for Villa! HT 1-0 to them!

47th minute: Joelinton gans doon with a groin injury near the home dugoot and haz to gan off---Yet another injury to add the never endin list!---He iz replaced by Jacob Ramsey who used to play for Villa!

We just couldnt find the energy to make a comeback, despite a few chances, that went 'abeggin' and we paid the price for that!

88th minute: The killer blow az a Digne cross find Watkins, who heeds the baall into the top corner of the Gallowgate net! 2-0 to them!

89th minute: A mass exordiss follows, with some 'fickle' Toon fans leavin their seats, to the inevertable chants of the jubulant Villians in the Opposite Leazes End singin: "You've seen The Villa, now fcuk off home!"---despite loads of stoppage time to follow coz of 'fained injuries' by wor visitors--especially their goalie who aall of a sudden held hiz back az he fell to the groond, with nee one near him!

Disgracfully and suprizingly some of wor own fans who had stayed til the bitter end, boood the players off the pitch at the final whistle!

FT 2-0 to them!

Attendance: 52,134 (3,000 very happy visitors!)

The result leaves us stuck in 9th place, while Villa move up to joint 2nd top with Man City!---The Arseholes 3-2 loss to Moan U meeenz that they are within 4 points of top spot! 

PSG in Paris are next for us on Wedinzday!---WE DEFINATLY NEED a 'Dr Jekyll' performance for that one! 

THE TOON V THE HAZBEENZ AND VILLIANS *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

 Posted ‘high noon 🕛 bells’ 🔔 Saturday 24th January 2026

*Total pageviews: 2,050,453

 (For some unknown reason wor pageviews havvint been shown in the right hand column,? so until it’s resolved we will put them in under the date of latest post)

*We gan again on Sunday when Villa heed to SJP in a Premyaa Leegue encoontaa at ‘2:00 🛎️ bells’

Wor injury list worsens after every game and this time it’s Bruno who iz crocked with an ankle injury!

By wor recoging that makes 8 on the injury list—which iz so bad it’s the worst in the top flight this season, where wor players have lost 640 days through injuries! (See photo above)

NUFC are unbeaten at home against Villa in the last 17 games between us and we have won wor last 4 meetings!

Geordie Times match report to follow on Munday!

Az per usual! “Watch this space!”

THE TOON 3. PSV 0 *** CHAMPIONS LEEGUE GROUPB STAGE GAME 7

 Posted '1:21pm bells' Thorzday 22nd January 2026

"WRITE ⬆️ THE NEXT HEADLINE!" ⬇️

If ever a team deserves the nickname Jekyll and Hyde, then surely it’s NUFC!

While most of wor away performances have been abysmal, wor home home iz exactly the opposite!

4 goalless draws away from home and just 10 goals scored in the Prem Leegue so far this season, yet in wor last 4 home games alone, we have scored the same number of goals!

It woz a miserable rainy winters day on Tyneside, but the game against the current Dutch champions and runaway leaders woz anything but!

The goal sequences were az follows! 

8th minute: We started off well az we attacked the Leazes goal in the forst half --and unusually we played in wor normal black n white striped shirts, but with white shorts and white sock, instead of black and black?

Anyway!---A Bruno pass to Joelinton from a PSV defensive erraa finds an unmarked Yoane Wissa --and he darts doon the field to lift the baall ower the PSV keeper Perisic, to score hiz forst ever goal in The Champions Leegue! 1-0 to us! (To say that Perisic looked az 'sic az a pig, would be the understatement of the year!) (sic!) (There woz a quick VAR check for offside, but the goal stood!)

30th minute: A terrible misstayk by a PSV defender lets in Wissa, who win the baall on the edge of the box and passes to Anthony Gordon!---With the goal gapping coz ther keeper woz oot of position, Gordon hitz a shot into the empty net!---A goal which your great granny could have scored!---Or even ME!— 2-0 to us! (Gordon's goal meenz that he haz now matched Alan Shearer's 6 goals he scored in the Champions Leegue in the same season!)

Club captain Bruno sustains an ankle injury in the 3rd minute of forst half stoppage time and gives the captains armband to Kiaran Trippier, az he hobbles off the pitch, to be replaced by Lewis Miley!

2nd HALF

65th minute: Harvey Barnes capitalises on another PSV missstayk (a weak heeder from PSV captain Schouten) and he races into the Gallowgate End box to fire past Perisic in their goal to seal the victory and 3 precious points!

In a nice touch, Trippier iz replaced by Joe Willock and gives the captains armband to 19 year old Lewis Miley, to become the youngest Champions Leegue captaion in history!

The win lifts us up to 7th in the Champions Leegue table, which iz an automatic qualification place for the knockoot stage, with one game to gan in Paris next week against current Champions Leegue winners PSG!---With NUFC on 13 points--the same az PSG and 6 (SIX!) othaa clubs, its aall to play for in the French capital! The worst case scenario iz that NUFC WILL definitely qualify for the 2 legged play offs next month if we miss oot on automatic qualification for the knockoot stage! 

Not anly that, but we will be seeded, in the play offs, with the 2nd leg at home! ⬇️

PSV, meeenwhile, slip to 22nd place!

To put the win into context, PSV were on a 20 game unbeaten AWAY run in aall competitions, includin a 4-1 win at Anfeeeld v Livaapoool! 

Attendance: 52,076 (Includin 2,750 very noisy PSV fans at the start, --who were very quiet at the end!)

*WRITE THE NEXT HEADLINE*, the 'Wor Flags' banner said in the Gallowgate End!----We certainly did that last neet!