THE ARSE V THE TOON*** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

 Posted ‘high noon 🕛 bells 🔔’ Saturday 17th May 2025

BLACK SMOKE OWER THE EMIRATES STADIUM, INDICATIN’ A TROPHY FREE SEASON FOR THE ARSE!

 “JUST ONE MORE WIN!”🙏🏻

Predictable results last neet that both Villa and Chelseee would win, came true and they are both on 66points alang with NUFC, but crucially we have the better goal difference and an extra game!

In effect we can afford to lose one game, but must win the other!

If we dee that then we will qualify for The Champuons Leegue next season!

We could aalso qualify if the others aroond us fail to win or lose!

IF we can beat The Arse tomorrow, for the 4th time this season, we would move to 2nd in the table above them!

Let’s hope we can get at least a draw and beat Evaatin on the last day of the season at SJP!?

Az per usual, “Watch this space!” for a match and boozer report some time on Munday!”

NUFC THE INVISIBLE TOP SIX CLUB!

 Posted '8:16pm bells'🕭Wedinzday 14th May 2025

AZ IT STANDZ AFTER 36 GAMES 

OOT OF 38

1 Livaapool 83 pts Goal difference +46

2 The Arse 68 pts  Goal difference +33

3 The Invisible! 66 pts  Goal difference +23

4 Man City 65 pts  Goal difference +24  

5 Chelseee 63 pts  Goal difference +19

6 Villa 63 pts  Goal difference +7

7 Forest 62 pts  Goal difference +12

"Arsenal are set to finish in second place in the Premier League!"--So say Sky Sports News, completleee forgettin' that if The Toon beat them on Sunday, then WE will be in second place!

And then the Arseholes manager Nikel Arteta says that hiz team hazzint been beaten off a 'top six' side for two years!---Despite thord placed NUFC beatin' them THREE times alone this season!

When Arteta and Sky look at the Premyaa Leegue table then the team currently in thord place are erased from the table!---The INVISIBLE!

Its a busy weekend with Villa forced to change their home game v Sporz to Friday neet by The Premyaa Leegue hieracy and aalso Chelseee are playin' Moan U az well! (Man City are in the FA Cup final v Palliss on Saturday)

The scenario iz this:

If both Villa and Chelseee win then they will be on equal points with us!----Draws will mean that they will be two points behind us!----Defeats meenz that NUFC will qualify for The Champions Leegue, az both the above will have just one game left with inferior goal differences and goals scored, compared to us and of course Forest, with a slight chance of qualifyin in 7th place, play Chelseee on the last day of the season!---so one of them or both will drop points!---meeenin that we can finish nee lower than sixth place, which would guarentee a place in The Europa Leegue----a competition that we could easily win!

Whereaz The Champions Leegue would be ten times harder to win! 

It will be a very interestin' three days indeed!

“Watch this space for Friday’s results!” -and hope Sporz and Moan U dee us a favour—doubt it, but yih never naa!?”

THE TOON 2. THE CHELSEEE OAPs 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2024-2025

 Posted ‘high noon 🕛 bells 🔔’ Munday 12th May 2025

“ANLY ONE MORE WIN!”

Wot a weekend it’s been! NUFC were the anly team in the top 5 to win, with aall the rest dropping’ at least 2 points!

This meeenz, in effect, that we need just ONE win from wor last 2 games to gaaurentee a top 5 place and a Champions Leegue holy 😇 grail spot!

(Forest play Chelseee on the last day of the season, meenin that one of them (or both) will drop points, so we cant finish lower than 5th IF we win just one more game oot of the 2 left v The Arse and Evaatin)

It took The Toon a grand total of 112 seconds to open the scorin’ at The Leazes End, when Sandro Tonali hit a left foot shot into the roof of the net at very close range, from an excellent Jacob Murphy cross! The roar to celebrate the goal woz deafening! 1-0 to us!

There were forthaa chances to increase wor lead from Isak, Barnes and Murphy, but it remained 1-0!

And then the decisive monent of the game!---Chelseee'z Nicolas Jackson elbow Sven Botman in the face and wor number 4 gans straight to groond!

At forst the ref gives a yellow card but iz advised by the VAR officials to take anothaa look!

He gans to the monitor at The East Stand halfway line and after several looks resinds the yellow card and upgrades to red and wor visitors were doon to 10 men in the 36th minute!

There were several more misses from The Toon before the half time interval, includin 2 heeders by Dan Burn which went narrowly wide! HT 1-0

The Chelseee OAPs (so caalled az their original nickname woz 'The Pensioners'!) came oot with aall guns blazin in the 2nd half and yoo would have thought that we had 10 men and not them, az the went for the equaliser!

'The Pope' in wor goal made a couple of excellent saves to deny The OAPs az we watched the clock nervously ticked off the minutes!

The killer goal, however, woz scored by NUFC in the dyin embers of the game when, bang on 90 minutes a Dan Burn cross foond Bruno, who looped the baall ower in the Chelseee goal to clinch a 2-0 victory az the Gallowgate roof nearly lifted off the groond!---Bruno then ran to the nearest corner flag and uprooted it and waved it to the jubulant fans!

By this time most of the Chelseee 'faithful'? had departed and  heeded back to 'The Central' (station) to catch the train back to King's Cross (London!)

The Premyaa Leegue table now makes brilliant readin' az we are now just 2 points behind The Arseholes in 2nd place!----A win at The Emirates next Sunday would lift us into 2nd place above them----who would ever have believed that could happen!?

Attendance: 52,200 (3,000 Chelseee!---very quiet at the end!)

Footnote:

Mikel Arteta saaid after The Arseholes draw at Livaapoool yesterday, that they havvint lost to a 'top six' team for 2 years, despite the fact that we have beaten them THREE times aalready this season alone! (Are we not a 'big six' side sittin in 3rd position in the table?---obviously NOT accordin to The Arseholes ARSEHOLE manager!)----Hopefully 'Steady Eddie' will pin this comment on the away dressin' room waall, when we gan there next week, to give us even more insentive to win!

EVEN THE SHEARER STATUE IZ CELEBRATIN' THIZ FANTASTIC WIN!

THE TOON V THE CHELSEEE PENSIONERS*** TOMORROW DINNAATIME!

 Posted ‘high noon 🕛 bells 🔔’ Saturday 10th May 2025

With just 3 games left the race for the top 5 Champions Leegue places iz on!

This iz without doubt wor biggest Premyaa Leegue game of the season—-a 6 pointer against Chelseee at SJP tomorrow, at the ridiculous ‘high noon 🔔s kick off time az well!

We are both level on points and goal difference, but crucially we have scored more goals than them!

The scenarios are this:

A win for NUFC takes us 3 points clear of them and the goals scored iz worth an extra point!

A draw meeenz we are still aheed of them!

A defeat meenz they will leapfrog us and gan 3 points clear with just 2 games to gan!

The 3rd scenario would meen that qualification would be oot of wor hands IF the othaa teams aroond us win!

Today Man Citih are away to aalready relegated Sooothampton and Villa are away to Bournemoooth!

Cannit see Sooothampton deein us any favours, but Bournemoooth could!

Trippier and Schar are both expected to play after they suffered niggling injuries at Brightin and Joelinton iz expected to play some part after missin the last 2 games through injury!

It’s win or bust time folks!

Match report on Munday!  

APU "Watch this space!"

THE NUFC MAGICAL MYSTERY PUB CRAWL TOUR 2024-2025

 Posted periodically (az we tick the away groonds off, on wor travels), from 4th August 2024 to 4th May 2025 (96 reached in 24 towns and cities!)

the remarkable hare, matlock, for an under 21s game v derby under 21s (see boozer number 011)

The NUFC away pub crawl tour 2024-2025 iz well underway and nearin' the 'end game'--- and so far we have visited 96 different drinkin dens at 28 away games! (22 forst team games and 6 U21s games) So just 4 more drinkin dens at the last away game at 'The Arse' to get to the 100 mark yet again for the 3rd season runnin'!

Since the end of Covid restrictions:

Season 2021-2022  80 different drinkin dens visited

Season 2022-2023 150 different drinkin dens visited (World record!)

Season 2023-2024 118 different drinkin dens visited

Season 2024-2025 96 different drinkin dens visited (so far!)

Some pubs we have visited numerous times, so first visits of the season only listed (*Numerous visits*)

Premyaa Leegue games, unless stated.

001 tams bar, south shields (south shields v nufc u21s)

002 1st cloud arena chilled beer bar (south shields v nufc u21s)

003 friend at hand, london (bmouth game) *

004 marquis of cornwall, london (bmouth game) *

005 lord john russell, london (bmouth game) *

006 norfolk arms, london (bmouth game)*

007 brewhouse and kitchen, pokesdown (bmouth game)

008 the way outback, pokesdown (bmouth game)

009 waterloo tap, london (bmouth game)

010 vat and fiddle, nottingham (forest, leegue cup game) (aalso for the premyaa leegue game)

011 the remarkable hare, matlock (derby u21s v nufc u21s game)

012 matlock sports and social club, matlock (derby u21s v nufc u21s game)

013 the picturehouse, stafford (wolves game)

014 the yard, stafford (wolves game)

015 the sun, stafford (wolves game)

016 east putney tavern, london (fulham game)

017 spotted horse, london (fulham game)

018 the vault (below putney pies), london (fulham game)

019 craft beer co., london (fulham game)

020 the mill bar and kitchen, manchester (everton game)

021 the barlow arms, liverpool (everton game)*

022 the north western, liverpool (everton game)

023 mable tavern, london (chelsea game)

024 aragon house, london (chelsea)

025 president hotel bar, london (chelsea)

026 betjeman arms, london (chelsea game)*

027 the bole bridge, tamworth (u21s v tamworth)

028 tamworth clubhouse, tamworth (u21s v tamworth)

029 the ram, newark (forest leegue game)

030 industry, nottingham (forest leegue game)

031 jb, newark (forest leegue game)

032: the grafton, bedford (palace game)

033: the craft beer cabin, london (palace game)

034: the spirit of endevour, boston (u21s v boston united)

035: ellenders, boston (u21s v boston united)

036: the botanist, london (brentford game)

037: the express tavern, london ( brentford game)

038: isaacs, ipswich (ipswich game)👆👇

039: the briarbank, ipswich (ipswich game)

040: gasworks, manchester (man u game)

041: peveril of the peak, manchester (man u game)

042: the britons protection, manchester (man u game)

043: the waterhouse, manchester (man u game)

044: heaton park, manchester (man u game)*

045: the volunteer, london (spurs game)

046: redemption, london (spurs game)

047: the swimmers at the grafton arms, london (arse league cup game) 👆👇

048 the tilley stone, gateshead (u21s v gateshead)

049 the metropole, gateshead (u21s v gateshead)

050 grey nags head, gateshead (u21s v gateshead)

051 85 cafe bar, travelodge hotel, birmingham (southampton game)

052 the giddy bridge, southampton (southampton game)

053 belgium & blues, southampton (southampton game)

054 the mayflower village, southampton (southampton game)

055 york tap, york (birmingham game)

056 the wellington, birmingham (birmingham game)*

057 newall street tavern, birmingham (birmingham game)

058 the queens arms, birmingham (birmingham game)

059 victoria tap, manchester (man c game)

060 track brewery, manchester (man c game)

061 barrel store, manchester (man c game)

062 the sir henry segrave, southport (liverpool game)

063 beer merchants tap, london (west ham game)

064 the cock tavern, london (west ham game)

065 the old ship, london (west ham game)

066 baxters court, london (west ham game)

067 the butchers tap and grill, marlow (wembley game v liverpool)

068 grand assembly, marlow (wembley game v liverpool)

069 marlow fc clubhouse, marlow (wembley game v liverpool)

070 mad squirrel, high wycombe (wembley game v liverpool)

071 the falcon, high wycombe (wembley game v liverpool)

072 the antelope, high wycombe (wembley game v liverpool)

073 butlers, high wycombe (wembley game v liverpool

074: 85 bar cafe, high wycombe (wembley game v liverpool)

075 flint cottage, high wycombe (wembley game v liverpool)

076 black sheep coffee, wembley, london (sold beer!) v liverpool

077 o'neills, high wycombe (wembley game v liverpool)

078 the old contemptables, birmingham (wembley game v liverpool)

079 the roebuck, birmingham (wembley game v liverpool)

080 the regent club, leicester (leicester game)

081 the amber rooms, loughborough (leicester game)

082 grove inn, manchester (man city u21 game)

083 the sun on the hill, birmingham (villa game)

084 the briar rose, birmingham (villa game)

085 the london and north western, birmingham (villa game)

085 bar cafe travelodge, east croydon, london

087 george (the), london

088 porter and sorter, london

089 spread eagle (the), london

090 ship (the), london

091 john harvey tavern, lewes

092 volunteer (the), lewes

093 lansdown arms, lewes

094 burrell arms (the) , haywards heath

095 slug and lettuce, london

096 green dragon (the), london